Traded In...

So, our Wal Mart was having an awsome sell on this lap top computer. It was a Toshiba and it was 17 inches. But it didn't have a web cam built in and it was missing a lot of extras. Well, I got tired of waiting for 5 minutes for the dang thing to boot up. I realized why this computer was SOOO cheap compaired to the others they had. Then I got to thinking that if I'm going to spend money, I want something that works. Ya know? So I put everything back in the box and I got my reciept together and took it back tonight. Then, after I was done doing that... I went ahead and got a different one. I ended up doing one of the mini computers. It actually works really well. I have to get used to a little smaller typing area but overall, I am loving it! This one has a web cam on it... which is, of course awsome. It doesn't have a CD drive... which is fine... because I use my flash drive the most anyways. It is mostly being used for internet use and papers for school. I also made sure I got one that kind of stood out... so I picked red. I think I'm going to be keeping this one. So far it works great!! :)

Yesterday was a HARD evening... without going into to much detail I am EXTREMELY moody with my children leaving me. I can go from very happy to very sad within seconds. It's a depression but not a dangerous depression (if there is such a thing...). I mean I don't want to hurt/kill myself. But it hurts so much when they leave me even if it is only for a month. Even if I do NEED the break a little bit. It still hurts so I get pushed over the edge really easy! I can't wait for this time to be over.

I have some ideas that I want to post about here soon! I'm hoping I can remember them all. UGH! I'm extremely tired... so I'm going to bed. I'll make another post tomorrow... maybe I'll work on a list of things I want to write about. Maybe not! Who knows.

P.S. I go to the school and get my books tomorrow! I'm kind of excited and kind of nervous!

Plans...

Dear Husband and the 5 lil' children are off to a birthday/graduation party. I hope that they have a lot of fun!! It should be. I will be working. Oh the joys of working retail world when it is open 24/7 (minus Christmas). But at least I'll be earning Premium hours!

A Little of This... and That...

Little Piglet's appointment was a very quick, in and out, appointment. They checked his lymph node... I got to ask a few questions. I wasn't as organized as I would have liked to have been going in. I wasn't sure what I should save for the next appointment with the specialist person and which ones would be okay through the general family doctor. I asked one question he couldn't really answer, which is fine because I'll get that answer at the specialist appointment. He took some time to explain the hand x-ray to me. Because they had given me a copy of the paper which I have enough knowledge to be able to understand. So, he went over it and explained again how whoever who interpreted it saw it. He said that it would probably be a good idea to get a copy of the actual x-ray to take with us. Then he said that they would probably get another x-ray when we got there... but they could use the original as a "base line". He couldn't (or didn't want to) tell me what this deviation away from normal meant as far as cause or what to expect when I go to this other doctor. But I also can understand that... that's why I'm going to this other person. So, for now that is all that I am able to tell ya about the appointment itself. I didn't ask about labs (like I said... a lot going on recently I didn't go in as organized as I would have liked). I might call them tomorrow and see if they will tell me if everything was normal.

Speaking of Little Piglet... today was his last day of Pre-K! He won't be going back there again. Next year (and technically speaking.. is now) a Kindergartener! He's so grown up. I am so very proud of him for all the accomplishments that he's made this year! There have been so MANY of them... even if gaining weight isn't one of them! :)

The Princess and The Dare Devil both have school tomorrow... then they are out for the summer. The Princess has an award ceremony at her school that I want to go to. I have a lot of running to do... in between some really tight schedules. The kids get out early tomorrow. *sigh* I will be glad to be able to STAY asleep when I don't have to be at work at 8 AM!

I suppose that's all for tonight... I have a couple topics I want to cover over the next couple days! But I will save them for their own posts!! Night!

Another Appointment & Help From You..

I take Little Piglet back to the doctor today. This is a family doctor appointment. I'm not 100% sure what to expect because I'm not 100% sure why they even want him to come back today. He already pretty much blew off his lymph node (which I'm hoping to get answers to when we see the diagnostic guy). My only guess is to check ears and tonsils. I don't know about the ears but the tonsils haven't changed (nor has that lymph node). But I'll update about the appointment when it's over... the appointment is at 1:30.

Today is Little Piglet's last day of school. After today, he's technically a KINDERGARTENER! WTH? Already! My baby has grown up. Dare Devil and The Princess have their last day tomorrow at 2:30. Then I have a 4th grader and a 1st grader too! WOW! How quickly they are growing and changing.

So, now I want some help from you guys... while my children are gone to their father's I'm not going to have much to post about... my own life isn't that interesting. So, is there ANYTHING you guys would like to hear more about to pass time. I've got to keep myself busy or I get miserable while they are gone. So, if you have a topic... please come on and leave a comment.

Seperation Anxiety

When I got home tonight my Little Piglet was asleep on the couch. The other kids were awake to give me goodnight kisses. But since he wouldn't wake up to give me kisses I held him for a few minutes... and I started to get all sad and teary eyed. I have less than 30 days before I have all these moments taken away from me for 30 days. It tears me apart EVERY year... EVERY year I get sad... I get moody. A part of me gets torn away. I would love for that part of my world to never get torn away like it does in this case. So, as I held him... I grabbed the camera and snapped this shot before asking Dear Husband to snap a few more shots. I hate feeling so sad... I hate crying. It should be a happy time for them. It should be a break for me... but I don't want the break! I wouldn't mind once a month for a weekend... or even every other weekend. But a MONTH at a time, tears me apart. Hurts my heart. I know they need time with their "father" but still. One of these days they will see that their father views them as an inconvenience and not the joy that they are. Their father always has been this way, but I had blinders on. They have blinders on right now... but they won't forever. As my youngest son laid in my arms sleeping peacefully I can feel it... I can feel my heart tear apart. I can feel the pull to just keep them. For the guy who thinks his child support goes so far... and complains when he has to spend money on them (he won't get pictures done, he won't buy clothes without threatening to take it from my child support, he won't get them anything they want/need without complaining) while they are with him... when most father's would be greatful and spoiling their children it makes me want to just hug them and hold them and shelter them from the world. Can't I shelter them from all this? So, tonight as I look down and see his sweet innocent face and I snuggle with this little boy... as I tuck in the older children and say good night and get kisses from them I find myself SOOO very sad... so sad that last night I even crawled into bed and cried on my husband. It's all I know how to do... is cry because I can't just KEEP them.


If only you knew half the story, you would know why I worry so much... you would know why this breaks my heart beyond just mommy separation. But I'd cry either way... because they are my life 11 months out of the year!!